Simple Exhilaration of Life

I wonder how people can live just by simple exhilaration of simple life. How can people live without toying with the ideas of life, death and being? How can people live without wanting to explore the deeper state of consciousness and digging into the deeper understanding of oneself?

Once in a while, I need to be like the way I am now. Escaping the practicality and simplicity of life and delve into ways to expand the being. Sometimes, simple excitements of rollercoaster ride or exhilarating laughs are not sufficient to be complete and happy. They are part of life, needless to say, but there is more to life than that.

There is this understanding of oneself, there is a universe of questions need to be answered about everything. These questions would never cross your mind when the simple exhilaration of life is enough to satisfy you. They need some deprivation of happiness, some inability to be satisfied by repetitiveness for the questions to pop out of nowhere.

There is always one thing that sometimes prevents me to let go of consciousness, to be carelessly happy, to ride rollercoaster in Genting from morning to evening, to watch TV and doing nothing. I am afraid of losing the edge of awareness, the subtle feeling of life well lived, the purposeful life.

I am afraid to feel a moment of consciousness, to be fully aware that these moments are losing moments. This moment is just another attempt to be happier than the saturation point of happiness, which is impossible and useless.

Maybe it is just a longing for a quiet time in isolation, some moments to redeem the complexity and incomprehensible thoughts that may lose in ecstasy. Or maybe it is just an unconscious attempt to break free and give space for the minds for more excitement and ecstasy to come.