Weddings, freaking weddings!

I hate weddings. I hate Malay weddings to be exact, or Chinese weddings or Indian weddings. I spent most of my adult life planning a civil marriage followed by a simple romantic reception in the island of Bali.

I didn’t even intend to sit on the freaking red pillow and shake hand and say things on the paper. I can’t even picture myself saying the short phrase and blindly sign the outdated, freakishly weird prenuptial agreements like most Muslims in Malaysia.

Who on earth thinks that the prenuptial agreements signed are not weird and chauvinistic? They are seriously made by men and just for men!

“Jika kamu meninggalkan isteri kamu selama tiga bulan tanpa nafkah, maka jatuhlah talak”

Then he leaves his wife for three months and on the last day he gives her RM10. Then the wife will say “Fuck! This bastard is still here and I am his loser wife”. The husband will say, “Look! Here’s the prenup. I gave you nafkah and technically you are still mine…”.

Not that I say men will do that. But still there are losers somewhere will do exactly that and just get away with it. And I blame it on the the prenups which are outdated by 1405 years.

And I also hate the fact that these people spend thousands on wedding. All on loan! You spend like that’s the end of your life, what would you do after that? Eat your expensive lace from your hantaran?

Talking about hantaran. They are also weird. You give them shoes, don’t you think they already have shoes in the first place? And the cakes! Aren’t they bought from the nearest Secret Recipe? And the sirih ‘f’ junjung. Help me my God.

Can I revolutionize weddings? Can we unanimously say that the only tradition we have is to change tradition?

And I seriously don’t want to go to the Kursus Kahwin and hear all “lawak lucah versi Islamik”.

God! Please!