On reread, it's just silly.

The Wonder of the Ancient

I have to admit now, at the age of 28, the fact that I was a bicho ignorante operando o sistema of historical facts. The stupid end user.

I was in awe with the belief systems I was brought in and ignored the systems more sophisticated available throughout the world. The Buddha was talking about the meaning of life and came to a very good conclusion 2500 years ago. In Europe, Socrates and Plato did the same centuries before the foundation of Christianity. Science was making a head-on progress and has major accomplishments thousands of years ago.

I am now in awe again. Not to any beliefs or philosophical systems but to how ignorant I was.

I am reading the history of the earliest European philosophers, several names that I don't know of and Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. The minds of the people are amazing. They have speculating about evolution 2500 years back, they have correctly estimated the solar eclipse, they have talk about human mind, human soul and many other things that some of us can be understood through some divine intervention.

How great are the inquiring human minds?

I shouldn't ignore it like I did in the ignorant times.

On Writing Again

Just a week ago my laptop went kaput. It just didn't want to load, worse it didn't has any sign of life at all. Just blank. Probably some hardware failures.

It is not shocking at all to find the laptop that way. It has age on its shoulder. Five years down the line, past the golden age for computers.

The laptop was the writing pad since 2005. I wrote anecdotal musings on it. Most of them are personal thoughts and introspections and not posted anywhere else. The laptop was the only place where the words once lingering in my mind can be found in concrete, decipherable electronic form.

People say that once you write something over the net, it is virtually forever. It would stay, probably will haunt you, forever. Like when Beastie Boys wrote the song (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Party!)and totally despise the song afterward.

But, with the lost of the writings, I should be glad of internet. Posting some of it here preserved some of the writing from total loss.

Too bad that the fact that the surviving posts are not the most personal of writings. They have all been trimmed and skimmed which made them fit for posting. Sometimes with very little soul left.

Losing it is like amnesia, like losing the memory of something a-la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Just like when you lost the pictures of you when you were little. Pictures may depict your physical development but writings are for cognition. You have little pieces of your cognition history lost with the laptop.

I should start writing again, replacing the lost cognitive history with the new ones.

Of Ghosts and Witches

I should have taken myself a little less seriously lately. I think spontaneity is good, candidness is easy. Sometimes, we ought to say ‘I don’t care’ and really mean it. That’s when the candidness comes.

I guess I will flood this very private area of blog posting with numerous entries in the next few weeks/months (depending on how much candidness have I acquired). So, beware.

For the last few weeks (or more accurately: my whole freaking life!) I have haunted by so many ghost stories. And it’s beginning to tire a little. Imagine: everybody around you is talking about ghosts all the time.

I think the time for all these ghosts is over. And the best way to get rid of them is stop obsessing about them. Just talk about politics, geology, space explorer and films. Don’t talk about them and they’d be forgotten and probably gone for good.

To forget them will not be an easy task. There are a lot of people will do whatever they might to make you remember. The witches will definitely want you to remember as they would be the one benefits from the whole catastrophe.

They benefit from the fear. You fear, you will listen, you will believe and they will be in power. Freaking witch!

No matter what subdivision of ‘sihir’ (witchcraft) you are practising, I don’t care. All I know is they are all witchcrafts that make you a witch (tukang sihir) not “pengamal ubatan tradisional” or “pengamal ilmu batin”. The names are just too positive and too good to describe all the witches (tukang sihir).

Some people go to greater extend to defend their witch and the ghost by saying that the 6th pillar of beliefs in Islam is ‘to believe the unseen’. As far as I know, the 6th is always changing. Either ‘to believe the hereafter’ or ‘to believe the unseen (makhluk ghaib)’. The second suggestion is kind of overkill as we all know that the unseen may include the nymphs, the ghosts and even the UFOs and crop circles! Do we actually have to believe in the crop circles to be a Muslim?

The witches are always the witch no matter how you relate you practice to martial art or medicine. A witch (tukang sihir) is always a witch whether you have your yellow Buddhist robe, black silat’s uniform, KKK’s white headgear or even white turbans. Whenever you use other power than the God Almighty you are a witch and freaking tukang sihir! End of story.

Let us not believe in the superpowers that these people claim that they may generate. They are tukang sihir and I guess people who believe that the first pillar of belief in Islam is ‘to believe in God’ will know what they ought to do.

How to Be a Successful MLM King

I am all against MLM from day one. People who know me will do their so-called business on my back and never one of them offer me any sort of MLM business scam as they know how strong I felt about the dumbness of it all. Here, I would list a number of “secrets” that you might follow in order to be a successful MLM King.

1. Make people who belittle you as losers: Say that they are negative jealous fuckers who cannot stand your whole lot of damn money. They can’t stand your shining Merc and glittering fucking diamonds. They are pessimistic negative, backward, stupid fuckers. Also insist that you and your lot are the most brilliant brats around, you have a list of fucking objectives in your life (all clearly and objectively stated with due date to boot) and you are using every single moment of your life to generate extra fucking income.

2. Makkah is my objective: Don’t all the scam use religion to make it all less scam-ish? Use your religion and use the sensitivities of the people to garner you extra religious point. Like Mawi. Tell them that you want to perform hajj before 30 or whatever fuck else. Use your religion as you like so that people will symphatize and in no time they will write a check of RM2000 for your nano fucking technology water filter. Or even better, they will ‘support’ your all good intention to perform hajj by signing a personal loan form from Bank Rakyat for RM20000 (only RM180/month for 20 years).

3. Use your fucking Malayness: Another sensitive issue. Talk about ‘perjuangan bangsa’ or whatever fuck else. Garner extra point for race sentiment. Say ‘inshaAllah’ in every sentence, say alhamdulillah just like in point number 2. Malays’ hearts will be soft when they hear these words. When you utter these words so often you are technically their ‘calon menantu’ already.

4. Shine your Merc: If you have one, shine them. I’ll just say ‘fuck you’.

5. Sell your coffee for RM200: Freaking stupid idiot. No matter now good your coffee is, it can’t worth that much. Even the weasel coffee which made from coffee beans collected from civet excrement is not that expensive.

6. Or better, don’t sell anything: Who cares right? Even if there is no product just say that you have a box of diamonds or 100000 goats somewhere around Gurun or Bongek. Seriously, who fucking cares?

7. Get a goatee, or ‘tudung bawal’: (back to point 2 and 3)

8. Get a credibility: Tell people that your company is a listed company somewhere in Vanuatu or Palau. Say that your company is now doing extremely good and will be listed in the Bursa next year.

9. Get a connection: Say that the ‘sahabat sultan’ is the one who brought the whole fuck of MLM to Malaysia. Remember, connection with datuks is not cool anymore, associate yourself with the sultans now.

10. Say how excellent and how revolutionary is the scheme: Just talk about the new business venture. How revolutionary! This is the dawn of a new world.

If you have done number 1 till 10, technically you are half through to be a great MLM king, multilevel marketer, agent water fiter (with nanotechnology), bra kurus and whatever else. Congratu-fucking-lation.

A Very Liberal Religion

When I talk about being a liberal, I delved into liberty and I realise that Islam is a very liberal religion. We can find the teachings suitable for the most basic human being to the most developed believers.

It has layers in it. Multiple and thick.

The most basic ones may need the cruellest punishments to be able to believe. Some need the hottest hell and the coolest frostbite in order for them to actually be good. They need satan, the seven layers of hells and unimaginable torments.

Some need karma. Do good and you’ll get good. Do bad and something bad will happen to you. Easy enough.

And some will do good regardless of the presence of god or not. They do good for the sake of goodness itself.

They are all taught in the teachings. In bad times, in war, people might be desperate enough to regress to the first one. The simplest of all basic humanity that will maintain the goodness in mankind. People might be hungry in desperation but never will they kill people.

When things get better and when the basic necessities are fulfilled. There are enough food and drinks. Never will they do bad to others because of the karma. People will realise that anything bad that they do, table will turn. They will not cheat people, will not use people.

Then when things are so well and the hereafter and karma will not affect them as much. In better places when the community offer good safety blankets, bad luck is not so bad after all. So, karma will not feel as bad.

Then there will be goodness for the sake of goodness itself. You don’t have to be related to someone to do good to them. You don’t have to have the same religion, race, state or nationality to do good to them.

To do good because of any of the reasons is OK. You can be afraid of the hell, or karma or the simply being good for the goodness. They are all fine.

And that’s liberty in religion for you. That’s liberty.

Can I Write

To write beautifully, one need to be detachable from oneself. The moment you put on your hands on the pen or the keyboard, it is wise to be someone else, to put things into perspective.

Like a god, seeing things from the above in landscape view. Or by seeing the movements and emotions from the crack of a room, feeling how people will do and react in the absence of other human beings.

Probably it is also like acting, you detach whatever self you have, put on make-up and will become the man that you wanted to be. Really be in the characters’ shoes with all deeper conflicts and subconscious. Joker inside and out, Bob Dylan inside and out, Clementine inside and out.

When you write about a room, a room should be like the real room. With details. A room should have a container of cosmetics in front of a mirror, an Ikea light with halogen bulb so hot, you burnt your finger once. They should not too two-dimensional and if you are writing for dumbass demographic, you should not put it too much details, they have minor autism and too much details will frighten them.

That’s when you are writing a fiction. But when you are writing an opinion or a journal detailing your day-to-day routine, you need hell lot of openness.

When you talk about the some issues, you need to be sure that you have the strength to stand the ground you choose. If you hate something and someone, you ought to be brave enough to say that. Either with civilised subtleties or simply horrendous obscenity-laden word shootings. If you took a concoction of psychotropic, you ought to be open too.

If you are writing about general issues, about politics or what you will eat for dinner or anything emotionally inept, it would be easier. But of you are writing about something more emotionally involved, like relationship, love, family, anything that involves your dearest and even sexual kinks, that would be much harder to write.

When you write something that is emotionally involved, you are technically subject yourself to all sort of judgements. And that would be not easy. Even if the judgement is right, it would be hard to entertain. Let alone if the judgement is wrong.

Worse of all if are not writing anonymously.

In order to write wonderfully, you have to have the openness to write, to accept responses and the openness of the people surrounding you to the work of opinion. Probably that would take ‘I don’t give a fuck’ kind of people to write. Or ‘I’m too good, you need to listen’.

You also need an Ikea writing lamp, wood’s smell, freshly brewed coffee, good sense of homour, a fan that is not burr-ing.

Seriously, I don’t have any of those. So, I can't write.

BleedingGreed

A moment ago I decided to stop watching There Will be Blood. This is from someone who for the last three years watches all award movies. I stopped just after 20 minutes.

The darkness disturbed me and if I want to be dramatic, the darkness wrenched my heart off the blood.

If a police got shot on scene or a pedestrian killed by a robber trying to get away, they are fine by me The shooter and the killer are just human to get away with their lives, people reacting in desperate times. Probably with collateral damage too damaging to think of. But still if things when slightly better, they have no intention.

A superhero can kill the whole world. I don’t care.

But real greed always make me sick down the stomach. Even without anyone got killed. The repugnance makes me feel like puking but nothing come out.

Greed is like cellulose for human stomach, indigestible.

I don’t understand the capability of some people to deprive other people off what rightfully theirs. May be I am too young or too naïve to see. But sometimes these greeds are just beyond comprehension.

I used to read more immoral stories questioning morality. I watched movies telling about the depressing ranches and poverty. I even listened to country music, so depressing.

I thought they are all fictions.

But it came across to me now, I feel with my eyes and heart. They are not merely fictions.

Greeds do exist. They are real and happening. And they are depressing.

Realising the existence of greed makes writing, reading or watching fictions about greed unbearable.

Metaphor and Shit

I was 16 and stupid when Shit, the novel by Shahnon Ahmad came out. The school literature component was stupidly non-existent and I stupidly didn’t really know what metaphor is.

Albeit being that stupid at that time, I read chapters of the book. It sounded gross and disturbing especially when you are not in the position to appreciate metaphors.

But now, after ten years came to pass. I find the metaphor amazing.

A shit, a turd. Amazing metaphor.

Imagine the excrement/shit, the nasty business you did. The nature which with all you might want to keep it not in the open.

The earnest ones will flush down, let the reeking smell come to pass for a while, put on some nice smelling liquid and go out. These are the good people, who think about the person next in line. The people who care to keep the dumping/shitting ground comfortable to other people.

The nasty ones will save the tissue, save the water, save the effort to flush. Will go out hastily, satisfied. Don’t give a damn.

Will the nasty ones survive unscratched? Do you want them to leave rich and glorious with the excrements/shit they left for some other people to clean the nasty mess?

I hope, really hope, that they will pay for the excrements/shit they left unattended. I may not be the one to spread their nastiness, but hope that there is a great power above to show that nasty tyrant with nasty excrement/shit the way.

God has mercy!

And may all understand what ‘metaphor’ is. And it is enough for me if all can appreciate the fact that I’m talking about someone not flushing the toilet literally.

I Love Scandals

I think I am fully aware that I am surrounded by happy people now. Happy people who are becoming more and more domestic day by day.

And I should cherish them the way they are, right? But seriously, can I?

Can I entertain people who are thinking and strategizing about getting laid / married day in and day out? Can I continue to talk about scandals, about lonely people craving for a little dose of affections?

May be I shouldn’t. May be I should let them be, and continue to let them be. And I shouldn’t get involved with the mess of scandalous little things. May be I should pretend that I am so, so interested to listen about this guy or that guy. I should start pretending to save my ass from the horrid pathetic stricken lower order problems.

Next time, when somebody says ‘That lecturer slept with a student at Genting’. I would go ‘Yeah, I know. I heard he raped her. Even if it’s consensual, she’s underage anyway. Is she pregnant?’.

Wouldn’t it be so fun? To talk like that without regards of the world. I bet it’s hellish fun.

So, next time when you want to talk about the guy who slept with a girl or a boy or both (the more the merrier). Talk to me, I assure you the best answers for your satisfaction.

One Night I Redeemed My Conscientiousness Back

Above all, I appreciate consciousness of action. I appreciate actions that are taken for the goodness of humanity and not of sheer selfishness. Each of every single one of your actions should come hand in hand with the crucial element of consciousness and conscientiousness.

I believe that it is the work of beliefs to do that. A work of something in the greater order than the human unreserved naivety and animal instincts.

We are no longer the animals we were. We have the strong history of civilisation which will improve our actions far better than the shallow, instinctive and immoderate behaviours.

Some of us even have the extra favour by owning a religion for moderation of behaviours.

But I believe that religions have became too ritualistic for that purpose. There is no more strong understanding of religion anymore. What is left around here are just the rituals which nobody even care what they ought to mean.

Nobody takes the tedious task of understanding the consciousness of action, albeit them being the centre of development of many religions.

The rituals of religion somehow overshadow the importance of having conscientiousness. Followers have immediately feel satisfied and fulfilled just by these rituals without them delving much further than that. They will have sheer satisfaction, feeling the godfulness and holier-than-thou-ness without them even trying hard enough to go beyond ritualistic understanding.

If this persists, morality will take over religion in no time. Morality has no God in its name. Morality has no power from above to oversee the adherence to religious conscientiousness. In fact, morality has no specified rituals to follow leaving people in fragile state and possibly in continuous improvement.

I really want to call the way some of us treating religion as secularisation of religion. A very harsh way of describing these people who want religions to be more ritualistic than what they already are.

Weddings, freaking weddings!

I hate weddings. I hate Malay weddings to be exact, or Chinese weddings or Indian weddings. I spent most of my adult life planning a civil marriage followed by a simple romantic reception in the island of Bali.

I didn’t even intend to sit on the freaking red pillow and shake hand and say things on the paper. I can’t even picture myself saying the short phrase and blindly sign the outdated, freakishly weird prenuptial agreements like most Muslims in Malaysia.

Who on earth thinks that the prenuptial agreements signed are not weird and chauvinistic? They are seriously made by men and just for men!

“Jika kamu meninggalkan isteri kamu selama tiga bulan tanpa nafkah, maka jatuhlah talak”

Then he leaves his wife for three months and on the last day he gives her RM10. Then the wife will say “Fuck! This bastard is still here and I am his loser wife”. The husband will say, “Look! Here’s the prenup. I gave you nafkah and technically you are still mine…”.

Not that I say men will do that. But still there are losers somewhere will do exactly that and just get away with it. And I blame it on the the prenups which are outdated by 1405 years.

And I also hate the fact that these people spend thousands on wedding. All on loan! You spend like that’s the end of your life, what would you do after that? Eat your expensive lace from your hantaran?

Talking about hantaran. They are also weird. You give them shoes, don’t you think they already have shoes in the first place? And the cakes! Aren’t they bought from the nearest Secret Recipe? And the sirih ‘f’ junjung. Help me my God.

Can I revolutionize weddings? Can we unanimously say that the only tradition we have is to change tradition?

And I seriously don’t want to go to the Kursus Kahwin and hear all “lawak lucah versi Islamik”.

God! Please!

Summerblockbusterization

I met an old friend who shares my wonderment of human behaviour. We wondered out loud on how people define entertainment as another blockbuster summer movie, of talking lion or another superhero movie.

I would like to shout out loud the sentiment and my wonderment but I guess it would offend so many people who have asked me in the past ‘Have you watched Iron Man?’ or some people that were so impressed when I actually confused Mary Jane as a character in Superman. I am not a bimbo mind you, but these cookie cutter approach to superhero movie-making really confuses the heck out of me.

Don’t say I never tried you know, I used to try to be apart of these crowd. The supposedly in crowd by pretending to like these summer movies but I guess I got C+ for that. I ended up reading imbd.com for some general overview of the summer movies and present them as my thought.

I guess age gives us more perspectives and age defies the need to be in the in crowd. I simply don’t care anymore. I know I have to respect people's choice. I know I have to respect people who watch the blockbusters if they like it but I still want and ache for my little dose of small and honest movies no matter how much you praise your Iron Man. I just want Once with Glen Hansaard’s powerful lyrics. I watched Waking Life (by recommendation from the most unlikely person (yes I’m a bigot)) and I guess it’s an otherworldly experience. I wonder how on earth people have never heard of Before Sunset and Before Sunrise?

And I said I don’t care anymore.

The Lightness is Unbearable

The absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant - Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

I fell in love again with Milan Kundera and his writings in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. As the ideas grow, I find the writings are more bearable than they were three years back when I first read the book. But now, I am less interested to discuss Kundera as a person and the book as a book. Only the ideas contained in the book get me to the heightened state of interest.

May be the ideas of burden or responsibility has been in many literatures and probably in all the scriptures but these fanciful ideas of weight and technically flying because of the lightness are new to me

To compare weightlessness and the being is technically extreme. People talk about emptiness and soullessness when describing the inner being but to say that without the burden, we are physically weightless is strong and strikes ten point.

I believe what Kundera said, he is talking sense and what he said is making more sense as I grow. We all need the burden to at least put some weight to our being and thus help us to remain standing on our two feet.

I am not going to be too obvious here but I guess if you are the stubborn kids who want to defy the conventional wisdom and toy with many ideas of life will somehow came to the state where you believe that freedom to live and to believe sounds worth fighting for. And I guess, some have indefinitely subscribed the notions of total freedom already.

Freedom that frees us from the burden that we thought as ‘burden’ per say but in actuality is another weight to put structure into our lives. I think I’d like to believe that. I think I ought to believe that the structure, the burden, is necessary.

I might sound like a losing fighter of freedom but I guess the process of discovering and the process of handpicking ideas and ideologies is freedom.

Lembing

I don’t usually like to write a travelogue, talking about where we go first and what’s next. It is rather mundane and uninteresting. I would usually lump all the nice pictures from the place and show people; hoping that each picture will tell a thousand words.

But the rules do not apply here, Sungai Lembing is special. Sungai Lembing is not only about picturesque views and wonderfully majestic Pelangi waterfall. It is not just the famous gas station in the middle of the town or the history tin mining. It is more than that.

May be I was being exaggeratingly romantic now but I think Lembing is an attitude in itself, a small town overflowing with eccentricities and romanticism. Qualities that rarely can be seen anywhere else. May be its glorious past with sudden fall from grace sculpted the way the town feels now. The hustle and bustle of the town in yesteryears had changed to simpler and shadier lifestyle. That’s the romantic part of the town, it gets older gracefully. It skins off the edginess of youth and adds vibrancy of antiquity.

Enough of being romantic and shady. Enjoy the pictures I took and lomofied. For more visit my facebook

The Soul-mate Stranger

I watched Paris, Je T'aime the other day and one of the stories stuck in my head. It’s a simple, a very short scene when a man meets a stranger and he simply can’t resist the temptation to talk to the guy. He theorised that he is his soul mate and they should talk. He tried to talk but there was no reply from the stranger as he can’t speak French. Then he left his phone number. I guess it has no sexual, or specifically, homosexual connotation in the meeting. It sounds honest and true.

Sometimes, I do feel that way. Sometimes, I need to talk to a stranger, a girl or a boy because it feels like it; it feels important to talk to him or her. Not out of love or lust, but an honest exchange of words or feelings. May be the souls are interacting and we, the physical bodies can sense it and we feel the urge to physically interact to these people.

We are very practical in making friends; we have school friends, university friends and workplace friends. Aren’t they all practical friends? Friendship that we made because we shared the same space at the same time but finally managed to find simple soul in each other.

How about friends who are not made out of these deprivation of space?

The friends who are soulfully connected, the friends that you meet somewhere in the swiftest time and suddenly know that you ought to talk to him or her and be friends.

I might be awfully romantic and unrealistic in making these outrageous suggestions but I do feel that it might happen one time or another. It ought to and I know there are soul mates brewing anywhere in the world

Join My Pyramid Scheme

I feel the richness of being when I can do or think something like this, something utopia. Something that does not denote any monetary or status gain. Something selfless for a cause.

I pay my greatest respect to people who stick to their principles rather than being rich from stupendously stupid pyramid schemes. You might be standing beside your spanking new Merc, but I just cannot give you greater respect than to the kid who won the game of Monopoly. That is how shallow I can describe the business you are in.

Sometimes I wonder, why should I be surrounded by these people, where are the cool spa owner or artistic movie director? Where are the Doctors Without Borders doctors? Where are the philanthropists who were not get-rich scheme fakers?

Where are the people who can share the greatness of being and not talk about another pyramid scheme?

Thank You for Smoking. You Should Die.

I always theorise about smoking, people who smoke and people around them. The act of smoking itself is a very interesting process very much in need of my funnily juvenile view of psychoanalysis. Some people may have heard my sentiments but it never came across me to sit down and systematically put them down in words. But I guess it is time now just when I realise that human are wilful animals, there are hopes even in the most seemingly impossible case.

The most unique characteristic of smoking is the fact that it is not like eating, drinking or sex. Smoking is not one of those things that we were born to do. People don’t die of not smoking. If smoking is an organ, it would be an appendix that would do nothing except to make noise with appendicitis and later comes appendectomy.

But why? Why in this God-forsaken world would some smoke? Why create appendix?

Forget the fancy ‘peer pressure’; I rather say insecurity. (Hey! Don’t throw your butts to me yet!). I mean, ‘peer pressure’ or ‘rebellion’ is the word to describe it if you started smoking when you were 14 (just like my dad) but if you started when you were 18 or 21 (just like my bro) I should call it insecurity.

Come on! You are not a rebel if you started smoking at 18, the legal age to smoke. You are just insecure and feel that you are left out by your so called cool and rebellious friends. You are suckers to befriend smokers! You are just fucking followers.

Smoking is also sex-related. I saw a father smiling the proudest smile when his son finally follows his footstep. I read his mind and I saw a father who is sure now that his son is not a fag, he has a fag, a phallic symbol stuck between his lips so there is not place for another you-know-what. He was relieved.

I do not quite understand women, but some find smokers sexier than us, the non-smokers. May be women just like men who die faster (next time you drive, see the losers, they mostly have girlfriends beside them). I don’t claim to understand the complexity of sexual behaviour but if you are a lady, do not ever tell me that you like smokers. The moment you say it, I would imagine you kissing a smoker and I really don’t like the view.

Not that I hate you for smoking or because you choose to hog smokers. I am pro-choice and pro-life, you may do what you might but I might as well do what I might by picturing you kissing some nicotine tarred mouth.

The Point of Prejudices

Prejudices are like the yellow strip across the road humps. Telling us to be careful. But not all road humps need you to slow down real slow, swerve your car to the left when the front wheels touching the hump and to swerve back to the right when the wheels are on top of the hump. Some humps are even negligibly low; you don’t even need to slow down.

That is prejudice, the shallowest most way of perceiving. Lumping all people in a group and stick the attributes to the forehead of the people.

While prejudices give us guidelines (just like the yellow strips of the road humps), we ought to give individualistic assessments to each and everyone. People are not ants; we do not use our antennas to acknowledge the chemical of others. We are not that simple and primitive to leave what in the skull without any use.

People also do not live like what the horoscope tell them to. Not all Taureans will feel as ecstatic as I am today, some will be completely shabby and some might win lottery. We cannot lump them together and expect them to behave like a herd of sheep.

Fat people, short people, thin people, handsome people or whatever people might share some identical insecurities related to their fatness, shortness, thinness or handsomeness. But they do not react identically to the insecurities, even the level of insecurities is not equal.

Come to think of it, the effort to understand people by prejudices is just another losing battle. Two persons are as different intra-group as they are inter-group. So I wonder, is there any point in the prejudices anyway?

Simple Exhilaration of Life

I wonder how people can live just by simple exhilaration of simple life. How can people live without toying with the ideas of life, death and being? How can people live without wanting to explore the deeper state of consciousness and digging into the deeper understanding of oneself?

Once in a while, I need to be like the way I am now. Escaping the practicality and simplicity of life and delve into ways to expand the being. Sometimes, simple excitements of rollercoaster ride or exhilarating laughs are not sufficient to be complete and happy. They are part of life, needless to say, but there is more to life than that.

There is this understanding of oneself, there is a universe of questions need to be answered about everything. These questions would never cross your mind when the simple exhilaration of life is enough to satisfy you. They need some deprivation of happiness, some inability to be satisfied by repetitiveness for the questions to pop out of nowhere.

There is always one thing that sometimes prevents me to let go of consciousness, to be carelessly happy, to ride rollercoaster in Genting from morning to evening, to watch TV and doing nothing. I am afraid of losing the edge of awareness, the subtle feeling of life well lived, the purposeful life.

I am afraid to feel a moment of consciousness, to be fully aware that these moments are losing moments. This moment is just another attempt to be happier than the saturation point of happiness, which is impossible and useless.

Maybe it is just a longing for a quiet time in isolation, some moments to redeem the complexity and incomprehensible thoughts that may lose in ecstasy. Or maybe it is just an unconscious attempt to break free and give space for the minds for more excitement and ecstasy to come.